the bxlloyd blog

link to previous blog Showman/Shaman

Benjamin Lloyd Benjamin Lloyd

When I go off my meds . . .

Who am I? Am I the person who can't get out of bed in the morning and feels hopeless about my life? Or am I the person who functions with more lightness and joy, with the aid of some medicine I take?

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Benjamin Lloyd Benjamin Lloyd

Drinking my depression

As Gabor Mate writes in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, "It is impossible to understand addiction without asking what relief the addict finds, or hopes to find, in the drug or the addictive behaviour."

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Benjamin Lloyd Benjamin Lloyd

The Third Bird

Over and over, works of art gave me an intimate gift, personal to me, which I can never describe, activated by my attention.

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Benjamin Lloyd Benjamin Lloyd

Beautiful Monster

I have thought of my depression as many things – but beautiful monster is not one of them. Heavy wet blanket, suffocating fog, 200-pound weight on my chest – those all fit the bill. Monster... maybe. But beautiful?

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