the bxlloyd blog
link to previous blog Showman/Shaman
When I go off my meds . . .
Who am I? Am I the person who can't get out of bed in the morning and feels hopeless about my life? Or am I the person who functions with more lightness and joy, with the aid of some medicine I take?
The Evam Chronicles: May 2024
An ongoing exploration of human intelligence or hi as opposed to artificial intelligence or ai.
Drinking my depression
As Gabor Mate writes in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, "It is impossible to understand addiction without asking what relief the addict finds, or hopes to find, in the drug or the addictive behaviour."
Obedience to the Unenforceable
Obedience to the unenforceable is a breathtaking affirmation of our shared values - if we agree we have them.
The Third Bird
Over and over, works of art gave me an intimate gift, personal to me, which I can never describe, activated by my attention.
Beautiful Monster
I have thought of my depression as many things – but beautiful monster is not one of them. Heavy wet blanket, suffocating fog, 200-pound weight on my chest – those all fit the bill. Monster... maybe. But beautiful?
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